


You Cant Be Dragons

by BelleWrites (sunleyemrys)



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Humor, Trying to Shapeshift, drunk, magic mushrooms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 05:48:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13874460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunleyemrys/pseuds/BelleWrites
Summary: Hawke is hanging around Skyhold. Get drunk with Bull and shit goes sideways.They are allowed to hang unsupervised together.





	You Cant Be Dragons

“I see she didn’t completely rip you apart.” Marian collapsed onto the stool across from Varric, his face pinched in pain.

“No, she just screamed and chased me until the Inquisitor jumped in.” The dwarf sighed and shook his head. “I was just trying to do right by you. Figured you’d be ready to hang up the staff and all that by now.”

She reached over and touched his hand. “Hey, none of that now. Besides, theres a big ass hole in the sky, you really think I wouldn’t try and poke that fucking thing?” Varric rolled his eyes. “Traipsing around the Deep Roads or killing slavers gets boring after a while. Though,” She paused flashing a mischievous grin. “The thought of me as Herald or Inquisitor is just, such an amazingly bad idea. I mean, have they not heard of me, like at all?”

“The Seeker was convinced you would make a good leader since Kirkwall wasn’t completely burned to the ground.” It was mostly true, she had kept the city from destroyed, twice. First with the Qunari, then with the Chantry.

Marian looked appalled. “Seriously? She must have believed the really sanitized version of our time there. Or did she not get Aveline’s reports of our drunken escapades?”

Varric did his best to feign innocence. “I may have left a few things out. To protect the drunk and disorderly.”

She reached over and pushed his shoulder. “You made me look like a well-adjusted member of society! You ass! No freakin wonder.” Marian looked around the bustling main hall and made a face. “Theres far too many Orlesians in this place, how can you stand it?”

He stood and motioned toward the exit. “Come on, I’ll show you how, and introduce you to the rest of the people Lavellan is working with. They are a strange bunch.”

“Nothing can beat Isabela and Merrill braiding each other’s hair on my weirdness scale Varric. But if theres drinks, I’m in.” She followed him over to Herald’s Rest, her running commentary about everything a welcome sound to his ears.

“Varric! Oi dwarfy! You wanta sit with us? Whoa, whos the red-head?” Sera was balanced on a barrel, her feet resting on the table as she and a giant Qunari played cards.

“Red head? Varric brought a red head?” The giant horned man looked up from his cards to examine the pair.

Marian shot him a look. “Guess beyond the Inquisitor and Cassandra, no one else knew I was here?”

“Eh, no?” Varric waved at the barmaid to bring them drinks. “Sera, Bull, this is Hawke.”

Sera fell backwards off her barrel with a crash, quickly regaining her feet. “Wait a whole bloody second there! _The_ Hawke? The magey-mage Champion of barkin mad Kirkwall? Oh piss!”

“Well that’s one way to say hello.” Marian muttered, moving to sit at the table. “Yes, I am her. No, I didn’t know he planned to do that. Yes, I am a mage. And I guess I am still Champion.”

Bull set down his cards, refusing to look in her direction. “You killed the Arishok. You?”

Marian winced and flexed her fingers, ready to throw magic. “Yeesss? It wasn’t exactly my idea of a good time. And he did force my hand. We returned the damn book!”

Bull growled low, hands clutched into fists. “Good.” Marian glanced at Varric, who simply shrugged. “That guy was an asshole and choose to ignore Ben-Hassrath orders.” His fists relaxed, and he picked up the cards.

She exhaled slowly. “And here I thought you were about to pick me up by my hair and throw me around like a doll.”

“Nah, he does that to ol fancy-britches on the regular.” Sera resumed her spot and flung a coin at Bull. “Do you have any 2’s?”

The barmaid set drinks on the table for them all and left without a word. “Fancy-britches?” Marian asked, silently dreading the answer.

“The Tevinter mage you met earlier. They are, kind of an item.” Varric supplied, watching Sera and Bull.

Marian took a long drink. “How does that…? You two seem so different.” Bull caught her eye with a silent warning. “Though, guess I shouldn’t say anything. Cause, ex-elven slave and all.”

“Where is Broody? I figured he’d be with you. With his whole, refusing to leave your side, thing.” The dwarf asked, puzzling out the card game the pair were playing. “What are you two playing?”

“Ash Kata. It’s a Qunari memory exercise for children.” He tossed a card onto the pile at Sera with a grunt. “You have to keep track of not only your hand, but what might be in your opponent’s hand, plus already matched cards, and what hasn’t been drawn from the deck yet.”

Sera blew a raspberry and scooped up the card, adding it to her stacked of matched ones. “Pfft, we’re playing Mabari Fetch cause Bull don’t wanna lose all his coin to a girl.”

“No, its because you don’t know how to play Wicked Grace, Sera. Besides, I’m still winning. 4’s?” She flung the card at him with a sneer.

“This is amazingly close to our Diamondback nights, eh Varric?” Marian was intrigued, the pair continued to bicker back and forth, lacking the malice she expected to hear from a Qunari and an elf.

Varric nodded, “A little. Less theft and disorderly conduct. Fewer broken noses.”

“The night is young.” She winked at him. “And to answer you Varric. Fenris will be here in a few days, he was following the trail of some band of Tevinter slavers that took a ship. Isabela has probably dropped him off at Jader by now.” She felt almost giddy, thinking about being with Fenris again.

“Ugh, another elf. Does he yell out shite about elven glory in the sheets?” Marian was sure if Sera rolled her eyes any harder they would fall out of her head.

“Decidedly not, Sera. He may be an elf, but hes not Dalish or a city elf, or really, anything. Hes just Fenris. Angry, tattooed, former slave.” She sighed softly. Maker she missed him.

“Makes your toes curl with pleasure.” Varric offered into his mug, grinning wickedly. He met her shocked expression with a chuckle. “We shared far too many campsites. Tents are very thin.”

“Maker I hate you sometimes.” She buried her face, trying to hide the blush.

Bull dropped a heavy arm over her shoulders. “No shame in liking a good roll in the hay. Especially right after killing a high dragon! Mmm! That was a fun night.”

“I don’t know Tiny. I think you broke Sparkler. He couldn’t sit on his horse for a week after that.” Marian groaned at Varric, too much information about people she barely knew. “Though, if you want to talk dragon obsessions. Tiny here is your man. Though I can never tell if he wants to kill them or fuck them.”

Sera threw down her cards and stood. “And I am done. I aint listenin to him talk about putting his dangle bits into things. See ya later Magey-Mage.” She stalked up the stairs, shooting Bull a disgusted look before disappearing.

“Oh, I need ale. So much more ale.” Marian went over to the bar and dropped a pouch of coins down. “Keep it coming until that bag runs empty. There is more if we need it. Its going to be one of those nights.”

Corff looked in the bag and his eyes widened. “This is…” He saw the expression on her face and stopped. “As you say Lady Hawke.”

“So, you’re buying then?” Bull asked, draining the mug he had been nursing.

She moved Sera’s barrel over and sat on the empty chair across from Bull. “If there is talk of dragon fucking, then yes, I might as well keep the booze flowing, cause shit is getting weird. Maybe even, _Hawkeward_.”

Varric groaned, resting his head on the rough wood as Bull burst into laughter. “Oh Varric! You didn’t tell me she was the whole package!”

“This was such a bad idea.” The dwarf mumbled.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

The tavern was basically empty, save for Marian and Bull. They matched each other, drink for drink, story for story. Varric had abandoned them hours ago and sent a quiet word to Josie in warning. He knew what was likely to happen, at least Hawke wouldn’t have to manhandled so far to her rooms.

“So we find this High Dragon at the Bone Pit. And I wanted to study the damn thing, cause they are like half magic or some shit. And maybe I could learn shapeshifting spells, cause, becoming a Wicked Grace playing dragon has been my dream.” Marian wavered in her chair, leaning heavily on the table. “So I keep trying to stun it while Fenris is beating the shit out of it, Varric is filling it full of crossbow bolts, and Anders is just trying to keep us alive.”

She hiccupped, the empty mug dangling from her fingers. “And that damned gorgeous elf starts yelling at me to actually try and kill it. So, I argued back, cause, fuck him, dragon is in my mine, thus its mine to do with as I bloody well please.”

Marian stood, swaying slightly. “Lemme see your sword.” She pointed at Bull’s great sword, snapping her fingers. “Ima show you what that asshole did.”

Corff shouted from behind the bar. “OUTSIDE WITH THAT BLADE DRAWN! NOW”

Bull and Marian made a rude gesture at him and stumbled outside. “Its fucking cold out here.” She slurred, leaning heavily on the sword that she could barely lift.

“Anyways, so we’re screaming at each other, cause I want that fucking dragon, and I’m right.” She hefted the sword over her shoulder nearly falling over until Bull managed to catch her. “Asshole throws his sword down the dragon’s throat like a fucking spear.” She drunkenly stabs a practice dummy in the head and walks behind it.

“I was sure he was about to kill himself rather put up with me at this point. So, I did what any lovestruck girl does. I screamed. He slid under the belly of the thing and phased inside of it!” She pulled at her magic to demonstrate the next part. “While I’m ready to be all fucking heartbroken, the damn thing explodes into blood mist and body parts.” The Force Magic spell pulled the dummy apart and threw the sword spinning away to embed into a tree with a twang.

Bull was grinning, she was a beautiful red head, and she’d been talking about dragons with him all night. He was a happy man. Dorian was in for it in the morning, well, maybe the afternoon. Whenever he was sober again.

“And there he is, standing in the middle of all the gore, sword over his shoulder with the most annoyed expression on his face, and he says in that damned sexy voice, ‘now there is no dragon for us to drag back home.’ Like, there wasn’t even a head for me to retrieve.” She scowled and then sighed, thinking about Fenris. 

“We have a dragon head. And heart. And some other bits I didn’t look at too closely.” He was smiling like a fool and couldn’t figure out what he liked about her more. From the way Marian had described her elf, he doubted they would be up for playing, which he thought was a shame, but he wasn’t going to push.

Her jaw dropped and blinking up at him, trying to process his words through the alcohol haze. “You do? Where? Can I have it?” She swayed and landed on her butt in the grass. “Oh, on second thought. A nap.”

Bull was too excited to remember personal boundaries and scooped her up, tossing her over his shoulder. “I’ll carry you. Its not far.” He started walking towards the stables. “No one wanted it inside for some reason.”

She giggled, kicking her legs. “I wonder if anyone wants to really study dragons. I mean, aside from the whole giant fire breathing beast part. Theres a lot of lore about them, passed down through the ages. Its nifty.”

“Now you sound like Ellana. I hadn’t pegged you as being much of a reader, Hawke.” He fumbled the storage doors open and carefully set her down on wobbly legs.

Marian gave him a drunken indignant look. “I’ll have you know Steel Cow. I read quite a bit. I’ma mage after all. Lots of study. Oooh, dragon head.” She stumbled over landing on her knees before the giant skull.

Preservation wards had been set to keep the thing from rotting and stinking up the whole of Skyhold. It was obvious a great deal of people had been studying it and the scattered journals and notes gave her a good idea what was being researched.

“Pfft. Amateurs.” She flipped through the pages. “No one is studying the magical side of a dragon.”

Bull dug around the piles, “Solas was studying the properties of the blood. He had some theory about the blood being able to manipulate the Fade or something.” He found the elf’s meticulous notes and handed them over.

“Interesting. He has a good idea here. Half of this is in fucking Elvish, which, I cant translate. But the alchemical diagrams and spells make some sense. Nothing about how to use their innate magic to turn into one though.” She paused, seeing Dagna’s square writing amidst another stack. “Wait a sec!”

Marian pulled out the Arcanist’s notes and examined them alongside Solas’s. “Oh, they have two pieces of the same puzzle! Fantastic!” She held up the pages for Bull to see, who shrugged. None of it made sense to him.

“Do you wanna be a dragon, Bull? Cause I wanna be a dragon. Probably wont be a very big dragon, cause Laws of Nature. We’d be tiny dragons. Well, you'd be a bigger dragon.” She pulled out her belt knife and pried a few scales free.

“Can I just get the power of a dragon? I don’t like the idea of my body being different.” Turning into something else made Bull’s skin itch, it was more Fade-crap. More Magic-Crap.

She waved a hand at him, gathering more random bits from the corpse. “You aren’t a mage, so you probably wouldn’t be able to shapeshift anyway. Hand me some of those mushrooms over there, and the witherstalk. Yeah, that one.” She dumped the varied components into an empty bucket, its cleanliness suspect. 

“What are you making anyway?” Bull watched her stumble around gathering things. “It smells awful.”

“Making a potion to get the ‘Power of a Dragon’. Maybe. Solas has some insane formulas here, and Dagna barely makes sense. And I cant be sure I read any of this correctly. And I am pretty awful at brewing potions. But,” She held up the glowing bucket of foul liquid. “Why the hell not! Theres no broody elf here to tell me this is a colossally bad idea, and besides, DRAGON!”

She drank deeply from it, wiping her face with a belch. “Your turn.” She held the bucket out to him.

“Eh, why the fuck not. Cant be worse than Sar-Qamek.” Bull shrugged and took the disgusting concoction from her and finishing it off with a gulp.

They sat on the cold ground for a few minutes not speaking, just waiting for something. To feel different. Something to know the brew worked.

“You feel anything yet? You’re a mage, do that thing to tell if someone has something going on.” Bull wiggled his fingers at Marian.

She laughed and shook her head. “That might work, if I was a Healer. But I never was very good at it.” She stood slowly, making her way outside. “Ugh, its too warm now. I have too many layers on.”

Marian began shedding clothing, trying to get cool air against her skin. Bull was beginning to feel it too. He was use to always being warmer than most people, but this was something else. It was coursing through his veins. He pulled off his boots slowly before following her outside.

“Is this what’s suppose to happen?” His skin was on fire, but he felt strong. Invincible even. Maybe it worked!

She finished stripping off her clothes, clad in just her smalls. “Am I a dragon?” She asked, but he shook his head and she stared at her fingers. “Damn. Maybe I need to do something with fire magic?” Sparks danced across her body, but nothing happened.

“Wait, what did that Dragon-Woman say to me? Something about leaping off a precipice?” Marian dashed up the nearest set of stairs, forcing Bull to follow. The stone was cold under his bare feet, it was a welcome feeling from the sensation of burning.

She clamored onto a roof and stood, looking over the whole of Skyhold. “Fuck. This is some view man.” Bull stood next to her, he was sure this was a Bad Idea, but didn’t know how yet.

“What are we about to do?” He asked. The urge to fight or fuck roaring in his veins. Or was it fight AND fuck? He wasn’t so sure anymore. He just knew that he felt unstoppable.

She turned and grinned. “You’re gunna throw me, and I am going to FLY.” Marian shred her arms out and threw her head back. “Cant you feel it Bull? The sheer, unadulterated power flowing through you? I bet I could reach into the Heavens right now and rip the Veil apart. I feel like a god!” She cackled, fire rolling across her body.

Bull picked her, ignoring his immediate thought about the mostly naked red head on his shoulder. “You sure about this? It seems… I dunno, not smart.”

She patted his horns. “Yeah, yeah. This is totally smart. Just aim high.”

He tossed her as she cast Fireball around her body, screaming like a madwoman. And it looked like it was going to work until the screaming ball of fire turned and crashed through the door leading to the rotunda.

“Oh fuck.” Bull leapt down, not feeling his bad knee complain, moving with a speed unnatural for his size.

Marian crashed into the solid oak desk, sending papers and wood flying. The spell released with a snap, funnelling upwards and out every window. Several angry shouts greeted her dulled ears as she lay sprawled on the ground.

A blurry face slowly came into view, it was the elf mage, Solas. Her head was spinning, but she was elated. “Am I a dragon now?”

Bull in his rush to ensure Marian was okay, ignored the shattered door fragments, making a very Bull-Shaped hole in the wall. “Hawke! Are you still alive?”

A soot covered arm emerged from the splitters Solas was glaring at. “Still alive!”

“What in the Maker’s name? Oh, for Andraste’s. Bull where are your pants?” Dorian was covered in a singed blanket at the doorway leading to the library.

“I am less concerned with the Bull’s current state of undress, and more perplexed by the mage who just destroyed my desk in a ball of fire.” Solas offered, trying to find anywhere else to look but at the pair. All his notes and sketches, ruined. By a drunk mage and equally intoxicated Qunari.

“What now?” Doran walked closer to the pile and squawked. “Hawke! Good grief woman! What happened?” Voices were getting louder around them as more people woke up to the sounds and smells.

“We tried to be dragons!” She offered with a lazy smile before passing out.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

_Several Days Later_

Marian and Bull stood at the bottom of the dais as Josephine and the Inquisitor scowled. “The two of you nearly burned down an entire wing of Skyhold. You damaged countless tomes, shattered all of the windows.” Ellana spun and pointed an accusing finger at them. “Brand new windows I might add.”

They both flinched, and Bull opened his mouth to speak. “No! You don’t get to speak. I expected better. If that fireball had landed anywhere else, you could have killed someone!”

Josephine cleared her throat and added. “You did, however, cause quite the scandal. The Champion of Kirkwall is now thought to be, quote-unquote, sleeping with the Qunari. And many of the nobility are now talking of withdrawing their support for fear that we aren’t just a heretical movement, but one that supports the Qun.”

“Shit.” Marian rubbed her face. “I’m sorry. We fucked up. Everybody fucks up once in a while.”

“Not at the risk of other people!” Ellana looked over at Cassandra. “This is the person you wanted to lead the Inquisition? She is a walking disaster!”

Cassandra shrugged and offered nothing.

“There have to be restitutions.” Marian and Bull nodded. “This kind of behaviour is not allowed. I do not care who you are.” She paced in front of the throne, refusing to sit. She wasn’t going to judge them. “You will pay to have everything repaired or replaced. You will both write formal apologises, which you will read out before the hall and will later be posted for the public.”

“That is more than fair, Inquisitor and we do feel truly bad about what happ…” Marian stopped when Ellana held up a hand.

“And the two of you.” Her finger pointed at each of them. “Are not to be allowed to be unsupervised together on Skyhold grounds. If you are going to behave like children, then I will treat you as such.”

Marian’s fists clenched tightly. “But we…”

“Dismissed! Varric, please keep better track of your friend here.” The Inquisitor stalked away, following Josephine to the war room.

Varric nudged Marian gently. “Come on, Hawke. It could have been worse. She could have yelled like Aveline usually does.”

“Aveline doesn’t yell at me in public though. That was, embarrassing.” She felt shame heat her face as they left the hall. “Guess I shouldn’t go anywhere near the tavern for a while, huh?”

The dwarf chuckled low. “Probably a good idea, plus, I have a surprise for you in your rooms. Which have been moved to the tower.” He pointed at the rooms furthest from where anyone else was staying.

“Jeez, am I that much of a public pariah?” It was a lot of stairs for her to go up.

“Well, only sort of. I asked for the change, so you could have some privacy.” He opened the door, displaying his surprise.  “Figured things would get a bit, loud for a bit.”

Standing in the middle of the bare room was Fenris, clad in just his tunic and a pair of loose pants, holding a small bouquet of wildflowers.

“Surprise?” He offered to her shocked expression.

She jumped into the elf’s arms with a laugh. “Fenris! I wasn’t expecting you yet!” Her legs wrapped around his waist as she peppered his face with affection.

“And that’s my cue.” Varric moved to leave. “I’ll have your meals sent up.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Hawke was, occupied for the time being, according to Varric, Ellana learned. She wasn’t sure why it filled her with dread, but she needed to understand the Champion better.

“Does this sort of thing happen often, Varric?” She leaned her small frame against the mantle by his post.

The dwarf sighed, “Eh, kind of? Hawke has always been a bit, chaotic. Fenris tends to temper her a bit. And now that hes here, I think she’ll be less,” he spread his hands, indicating the destruction. “I just, would wait to bother them. They haven’t been together for a few weeks. So maybe let them emerge, unless you want an eyeful of tattooed elf ass.”

Ellana blushed and coughed, clearing her throat. “Oh. I didn’t realize they were so, close.”

His eyebrows rose, “Oh, sweetheart. Hawke and Broody have been a thing for many years. Much to my sleep deprived hatred sometimes.”

“But they aren’t married! Or promised.” The scandal! Ellana couldn’t believe it. She had read about the Amells of Kirkwall, a proper noble line. And the eldest was the city’s hero!

Varric scoffed, “Its not like Hawke was a blushing virgin when they got together. I think the idea of propriety was gone out the window long before Fenris.” He paused. “Oh, wait a second. Is our sweet Inquisitor untouched?”

She sputtered, flushing darker. “Someone will hear you! Oh Creators. Varric.” Ellana buried her face in her hands. “We are not here to discuss this. I was trying to understand Hawke.”

He rubbed her shoulder. “Sweetheart, there is no understanding that woman. There is just, going with it, or getting out of the way.”

“But why dragons? Of all things?” Ellana was refusing to look up from her hands.

“Hell, if I know. Her getting drunk and raving about dragons was a fairly common occurrence back home. Seems like a typical Tuesday to me honestly.” Varric wished he was embellishing for once, but no.

“Oh Mythal. That happened ON Tuesday.” She groaned, hiding further into her arms as Varric threw his head back and laughed.


End file.
